


One First Time

by Evvaleave



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-13
Updated: 2013-02-13
Packaged: 2017-11-29 03:33:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/682259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evvaleave/pseuds/Evvaleave
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Doctor accidentally crosses his own time stream. And it damn near breaks his heart. </p>
<p>Mild Martha Bashing; probably over used.</p>
            </blockquote>





	One First Time

“Doctor!”

Every inch of him went still. His hearts stopped beating, his brain, for the first time, ceased the constant whirling, even his blood, golden as the Heart of the TARDIS, froze in his veins. 

He knew that voice. He knew that voice because he still dreamt about it every night. Every dream featured that voice: laughing, giggling, shouting, crying, screaming, whispering. Flowing from that perfectly plump mouth and pink lips. That voice gave him something to fight for, something to help him keep hope. That voice made him shiver, made he want to laugh and cry and sing all at the same time. He never thought he’d get to hear that voice again. 

He couldn’t turn around and look at her. He couldn’t bear to see her face. Not her face. Not when he couldn’t have her. 

“Doctor.” It was closer now, that voice, just at his shoulder and he shuddered, the temptation setting his body on fire. “There you are. Are you ready to go yeah? We’ve got lots to do you know. Doctor?”

A gentle hand touched his shoulder and turned him. 

He’d never forgotten what she looked like. Not once. But to see her now, after he’d seen her stolen, after he’d lost her, it was twice as much as his memory gave him. He cursed it, his memory, for robbing him of her true beauty. 

Rose. She was beauty, the epitome of life, glowing and happy. Her eyes, those big chocolate honey orbs, glimmered with joy, pulling him in, captivating him. They were like seeing the TARDIS after losing it, like seeing Gallifrey again. Having those radiant sparks shine up at him was like coming home. 

Rose. And her hair, blonde just past her shoulder, shorter than the last time he saw her. It was like a rippling beam of light reflecting from water. It looked so soft and it wisped around her face in the gentle breeze that brought her scent, a feminine vanilla blueberry smell that made him want to sniff her till he passed out, wafting under his nose and he knew the universe was trying to torture him. Her lips were still full and pink and curved slightly, smiling up at him with her tongue tucked right behind her teeth, teasing him.

God he wanted to touch her. Rose. He wanted to touch her and hold her and never ever let her leave his side again. He wanted to drag her to the TARDIS, chain her to it among other things, and never ever let her leave. She belonged to him. Her purpose, here in this universe, in any universe, was to stay with him forever like she’d promised and his sole function was to make her happy at any cost, even if he has to die to do it. The pain, confusion, panic of Regeneration meant nothing if he could see her smile or laugh.

Rose.

The eyes, her eyes, blinked, her perfect eyebrow flexed and suddenly she had that crease in her forehead that meant she was concerned, that she was worried. He hated himself for forgetting that detail, that one small line in her forehead was the most important thing about her, and he’d forgotten it. 

“Doctor? Are you okay? Have you caught a fever?”

Her hand rested against his forehead and now he knew, now he finally knew that she was real. In his dreams she never touched him. He acted without thinking, acting on the instinct that had kept him alive for 903 years. 

His right hand grasped the back of her neck, the other wrapped around her waist, dragging her towards him. Rose. Her hair was smooth and it tickled slightly, and his hand tucked nicely against her, his entire body pressed against hers. 

He mashed his mouth against hers. He had no practice doing this. Not once had he fallen in love with his companion. But he knew that he had to show her. 

She froze for a moment but she kissed him back, letting him slide his tongue into his mouth and mmmm she tasted so good. Like bananas, like warmth and joy and love. Her hands wrapped around his neck, yanking him closer. He wanted this, he wanted her forever. He wasn’t going to let her go, not ever again. Not when she was kissing him or he was kissing her or they were kissing each other. Not when she was with him. And she would always be with him. Rose. 

“DOCTOR?”

The new voice, he hated. Yes he hated Martha Jones in that moment, more than he hated the Daleks, more then he hated Cybermen. He wanted her to leave, wanted her to just disappear so that Rose could stay.  
But mostly he hated Martha Jones because she brought him snapping back into reality faster than a Golidhtite toad. This Rose wasn’t his Rose. This Rose belonged to a different him, not his. She wouldn’t understand, she wouldn’t know why. She wouldn’t be ready for this. 

His Rose was ready, but he’d missed his chance. His Rose was gone and with that realization he felt his hearts re-break, the pain and emptiness flooding into him, making him numb, leaving him blank. He rested his forehead against hers, letting her sweet milky breath whisper across his face, breathing her in one last time. 

“I’m so so sorry.” He murmured, his voice soft, deep, broken. 

Then he let her go. And marched away, leaving his soul behind. 

~~

Rose watched the Doctor leave, stunned and longing. A petite black woman was trailing after him, shouting wildly and gesturing madly, frequently jabbing her finger back at Rose. Why was the Doctor leaving? What had he meant by kissing her? Why was he sorry?

He was going to leave her. The certainty crushed her instantly and she tried to call out to him but she was interrupted. 

By the Doctor. Who tapped her, grinned and asked, “Ready to go? Do we really have to bring Mickey along with us?”

“What? Oh. Oh yeah. Of course we have to take Mickey. C’mon we gotta go.” She grabbed his jacket, that stupid brown coat that made him all the more attractive to her. He’d just left in that direction but now he was here? What? 

She shook her head. The Doctor was a complete mystery and he was constantly surprising her. Maybe this was just a little joke he’d decided to play on her. But deep down, in the part of her heart that didn’t belong to her, she knew that Doctor and her Doctor were not the same and she felt a shiver dance up her spine because the Doctor that had kissed her, had kissed her like he was never going to see her again. A world without the Doctor was not a world at all.


End file.
